The Eternal Search for 'Who Am I?'

by Susan Scharfman
Many philosophers, writers, musicians and artists of centuries past were mystics, or they had divine visions from time to time. Lots of ordinary people are mystics too. Some might be considered eccentric or even wacky. One of India's most revered saints sat on a dung heap, smelled like a rose and did nothing but help the poor and perform miracles.
The Past
I'm hiking alone on a Himalayan mountainside. My companions are back at the Snow View Hotel, when suddenly a wild looking man with tangled hair and matted beard appears in my path. Barring my way, he engages in a non-stop, one-way dialog. Barefoot and naked except for a tattered kaupina around his private parts, the man is impervious to the cold.
Tibet is already doomed to Chinese forces. Yet my friends, one the son of hotel owner Tom Mendes, have all but convinced me it's safe to trek with them to Lhasa. We’re to leave Kathmandu in two days. But I'm frozen in my Abercrombie parka, while this extraordinary being chatters incessantly. Not once does he stop his constant singsong prattle—in my face, nodding, chortling and gesturing. When finally he turns and disappears into the mist, I realize I haven't understood a word he’s said. Yet here I am alone on the icy slopes of the Annapurna massif with profound knowledge of something I can't quite remember. I know I'm searching for something. An inner voice has told me I'm not going to Lhasa with the boys. The realization is that I'm no longer young and stupid—just young.
The Present
In my life's journey I have always been drawn to still places, usually in nature, but not always. The quiet interiors of Europe's cathedrals, absent the people, have a similar effect. The silence within those colossal spaces resonates in the sacredness of a thousand years of prayer. I've experienced that same presence in the desert, in the African bush, in my backyard. There have been many spiritual masters in my life. I've learned countless practices from mystics and gurus: various yogas, meditations and healing techniques. I've studied in ashrams, taught Transcendental Meditation, and listened to brilliant new age teachers like Deepak Chopra who, along with Michael Beckwith, Marianne Williamson and other popular luminaries have formed a high-minded association called "The Evolutionary Leaders." These intellectuals speak knowingly of higher consciousness.
Deepak's legendary talks, books and retreats have enriched the lives of millions. "You are the luminous mystery in which the entire universe with its forms and phenomena arises and subsides," says Chopra. In "How to Know God" he says, "God is always there for you ..."
But if I am the mystery and God is always there for me, how and where do I find God to help me solve the mystery?
Michael Beckwith suggests, "Take this amazing mystical journey of your soul to engender a new vision of your life." Beckwith has found the secret to wealth, as have many of the Evolutionary Leaders who are also successful entrepreneurs, and that's fine. Who says you can't be evolved and rich? But wealth never was the measure of who I am. I guess that's why a lifetime of public service suited me.
Bringing in The Light
My encounter with that implausible being in the Himalayas left an imprint on my consciousness that remained with me all my life until I met his parallel here in the United States in a dynamic young man named Panache Desai. After years of consciousness-speak, and spiritual intellectual-speak, and scientific proof of the biological effects of spiritual practices, and "mystical journeys of the soul," finally I understood T. S. Eliot’s, "We shall not cease from exploration and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time."
Like illuminating a dimly lit room, when I met Panache a subtle shift in my awareness began to take root. A young spiritual master who walks the talk and energetically transforms lives, Panache guides people to the realization of their own Divinity. And he has given me this experience. There is a silent presence within that some call the Christ Light–that same sacredness I feel in the ancient cathedrals, Hindu temples, Islamic Mosques and every single place humans assemble for oneness with the Divine.
Born and educated in London, England Panache now resides in the United States. He says to facilitate the "Ascension of America" he’s guided to carry his gift of energetic transformation to wherever he goes.
America’s Destiny – An Enlightened People
Contrary to conventional wisdom of some opinionators, I believe our country is not at the end of its greatness. Our present circumstances do not signal the decline of the American Republic. Below the surface, the opposite is occurring. The most creative society on earth has not yet reached its zenith. America is on the threshold of a spiritual awakening that is its destiny, willed to us by our enlightened Founders.
The Twittering Mind
When I take a few deep breaths and mentally ask myself 'who am I?' The answer is the silence. The ego is mute. I am present in the silence of my Being. I Am That Divine Silence. There’s nothing to seek and nowhere to go outside myself. There's nothing out there that I don’t already have right here and now. There’s only to be conscious of what is, at this moment.
This is how a human being can live in this world and be a human being: not constantly judging, not being tugged in every direction, not always having to be right. As the Bard says in Hamlet: "There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so." All we need do to stop the endless "egoic" mind chatter, a mind on Twitter, is to be conscious of it.
A Higher Consciousness
Great numbers of people are becoming awakened here in the United States and around the world. Their personal stories are on bookshelves and the Internet. Their impact is so exponentially powerful as to affect natural phenomena globally. What may appear to be nature gone wild is actually part of a greater and deeper cleansing of the planet as the old consciousness falls away.
This quote is from a former First Lady who was a pal of Amelia Earhart. Both pioneers, they lived each day in the present moment. "Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That's why we call it the present." – Eleanor Roosevelt
The original 2009 article appears online at www.newagejournal.com/2007/spirituality/the-eternal-search-for-who-am-i
Many philosophers, writers, musicians and artists of centuries past were mystics, or they had divine visions from time to time. Lots of ordinary people are mystics too. Some might be considered eccentric or even wacky. One of India's most revered saints sat on a dung heap, smelled like a rose and did nothing but help the poor and perform miracles.
The Past
I'm hiking alone on a Himalayan mountainside. My companions are back at the Snow View Hotel, when suddenly a wild looking man with tangled hair and matted beard appears in my path. Barring my way, he engages in a non-stop, one-way dialog. Barefoot and naked except for a tattered kaupina around his private parts, the man is impervious to the cold.
Tibet is already doomed to Chinese forces. Yet my friends, one the son of hotel owner Tom Mendes, have all but convinced me it's safe to trek with them to Lhasa. We’re to leave Kathmandu in two days. But I'm frozen in my Abercrombie parka, while this extraordinary being chatters incessantly. Not once does he stop his constant singsong prattle—in my face, nodding, chortling and gesturing. When finally he turns and disappears into the mist, I realize I haven't understood a word he’s said. Yet here I am alone on the icy slopes of the Annapurna massif with profound knowledge of something I can't quite remember. I know I'm searching for something. An inner voice has told me I'm not going to Lhasa with the boys. The realization is that I'm no longer young and stupid—just young.
The Present
In my life's journey I have always been drawn to still places, usually in nature, but not always. The quiet interiors of Europe's cathedrals, absent the people, have a similar effect. The silence within those colossal spaces resonates in the sacredness of a thousand years of prayer. I've experienced that same presence in the desert, in the African bush, in my backyard. There have been many spiritual masters in my life. I've learned countless practices from mystics and gurus: various yogas, meditations and healing techniques. I've studied in ashrams, taught Transcendental Meditation, and listened to brilliant new age teachers like Deepak Chopra who, along with Michael Beckwith, Marianne Williamson and other popular luminaries have formed a high-minded association called "The Evolutionary Leaders." These intellectuals speak knowingly of higher consciousness.
Deepak's legendary talks, books and retreats have enriched the lives of millions. "You are the luminous mystery in which the entire universe with its forms and phenomena arises and subsides," says Chopra. In "How to Know God" he says, "God is always there for you ..."
But if I am the mystery and God is always there for me, how and where do I find God to help me solve the mystery?
Michael Beckwith suggests, "Take this amazing mystical journey of your soul to engender a new vision of your life." Beckwith has found the secret to wealth, as have many of the Evolutionary Leaders who are also successful entrepreneurs, and that's fine. Who says you can't be evolved and rich? But wealth never was the measure of who I am. I guess that's why a lifetime of public service suited me.
Bringing in The Light
My encounter with that implausible being in the Himalayas left an imprint on my consciousness that remained with me all my life until I met his parallel here in the United States in a dynamic young man named Panache Desai. After years of consciousness-speak, and spiritual intellectual-speak, and scientific proof of the biological effects of spiritual practices, and "mystical journeys of the soul," finally I understood T. S. Eliot’s, "We shall not cease from exploration and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time."
Like illuminating a dimly lit room, when I met Panache a subtle shift in my awareness began to take root. A young spiritual master who walks the talk and energetically transforms lives, Panache guides people to the realization of their own Divinity. And he has given me this experience. There is a silent presence within that some call the Christ Light–that same sacredness I feel in the ancient cathedrals, Hindu temples, Islamic Mosques and every single place humans assemble for oneness with the Divine.
Born and educated in London, England Panache now resides in the United States. He says to facilitate the "Ascension of America" he’s guided to carry his gift of energetic transformation to wherever he goes.
America’s Destiny – An Enlightened People
Contrary to conventional wisdom of some opinionators, I believe our country is not at the end of its greatness. Our present circumstances do not signal the decline of the American Republic. Below the surface, the opposite is occurring. The most creative society on earth has not yet reached its zenith. America is on the threshold of a spiritual awakening that is its destiny, willed to us by our enlightened Founders.
The Twittering Mind
When I take a few deep breaths and mentally ask myself 'who am I?' The answer is the silence. The ego is mute. I am present in the silence of my Being. I Am That Divine Silence. There’s nothing to seek and nowhere to go outside myself. There's nothing out there that I don’t already have right here and now. There’s only to be conscious of what is, at this moment.
This is how a human being can live in this world and be a human being: not constantly judging, not being tugged in every direction, not always having to be right. As the Bard says in Hamlet: "There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so." All we need do to stop the endless "egoic" mind chatter, a mind on Twitter, is to be conscious of it.
A Higher Consciousness
Great numbers of people are becoming awakened here in the United States and around the world. Their personal stories are on bookshelves and the Internet. Their impact is so exponentially powerful as to affect natural phenomena globally. What may appear to be nature gone wild is actually part of a greater and deeper cleansing of the planet as the old consciousness falls away.
This quote is from a former First Lady who was a pal of Amelia Earhart. Both pioneers, they lived each day in the present moment. "Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That's why we call it the present." – Eleanor Roosevelt
The original 2009 article appears online at www.newagejournal.com/2007/spirituality/the-eternal-search-for-who-am-i